Intentions
by ArwenLalaith
Summary: Tag to 'Remembrance of Things Past'. He only did it out of the best intentions, but his attempt to bring some calm to Ellie's tumultuous world ends up shaking his. Co-written with Confetti Leaves.


Morgan smiled as he slipped his phone back into his pocket and quickly made his way up the stairs to the bedroom where his wife was waiting. He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching his pregnant wife reading a book and it was then that he noticed that she looked a little upset. But, failing to think of anything he could have done to upset her, he figured it must have been something to do with her pregnancy – though he knew he'd be a fool to come right out and say it to her, she had been having rather volatile mood swings lately, thanks to the hormones.

When she sighed exasperatedly the second he entered the room, he had a feeling she had a bone to pick with him. He waited for her to say something, but she deliberately ignored him and focused more attention on the page before her.

As he climbed into bed, he kept his eyes on her, studying her carefully, wondering what he had done to upset her, but she remained steadfastly determined to not give him any clue. Undaunted, he shifted closer to her, wrapping his arms around her. "Hey," he whispered softly in her ear.

Emily frowned, avoiding eye contact. "Did you say goodnight to Ellie?" she asked frostily.

"Yeah, I did," he said, nodding slowly. Sensing the hostility in her tone, he quietly asked, "Is there something wrong, baby?"

"No, everything's fine," she said flatly, but it was clearly a lie. "It's fine that you spend more time worrying about a girl you've met once than your own unborn children." It wasn't really a fair accusation, but she was obviously hurting.

"Baby, you know Ellie is having a hard time – I'm just trying to help. That doesn't mean that she means more to me than you and our babies," he murmured, softly stroking her slightly swollen stomach.

She looked at him with dead seriousness. "I understand she's having a hard time, but she needs to talk to a professional. You can't giver her the help she needs...and we have too much at stake right now for you to get so deeply invested in helping her."

He held her close, kissing her cheek. "I know. I'm just doing what I can; I won't let myself get too involved with her, baby. I know I have more responsibilities now," he tried to assure her. "It's just temporary, she'll get better and she won't need me anymore."

"You really think she's going to get better, just like that? That the trauma she's gone through will just go away?" she asked incredulously. "She's not just going to go away, she's bonding with you – who do you think she's going to come running to with every nightmare, every panic attack?"

He studied her carefully, trying to decide how to ask his next question without upsetting her. "Are you...jealous that I'm talking to her, baby? I'm just trying to help, but it won't turn into anything more. I love you and our babies; you're always going to come first, you know that."

"I know," she sighed, "But you _always_ have to get involved...it seems like every week you find someone else you're 'trying to help – Ellie, Stanley, Tamara..." she said, bitterness bleeding into the last name. "And I get that that's who you are, you have a big heart and a kind soul, but where do you draw the line? When does it become too much involvement?"

"Baby, I know where to draw the line and stop," he said seriously, needing her to see that he knew what he was doing. "It's just easier for them to talk to someone who has been there than a complete stranger whom they barely trust." Cupping her cheeks, he brought their lips together in a gentle kiss, whispering against her lips, "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"I can't not worry!" Emily said desperately, getting choked up. "Derek, I feel like I'm losing you to them. They can always find someone else to talk to, but I can't find another father for our babies. You know that they need help, so you're there for them, but when are you going to realize that _I _need you _more_?"

Saying that he was surprised by her sudden out burst would have been a devastating understatement. He hadn't realized that what he had been doing made her so upset. Sighing softly, he wrapped his arms tightly around her. "You know that's not true," he murmured. "You know you won't lose me. I'm always going to be here for you. I'm our babies' Daddy," he said, "I'm never going to let you find someone to replace my role. I won't let my children grow up without me around, you know that."

"I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel," she sniffled quietly, "You care _so_ much about about everyone that you get close to and sooner or later, something has to give. I just can't help but worry that some day, one of them is going to come between us," she sighed. "Maybe it's just the hormones making me crazy and jealous, maybe it's not, but whatever it is, I don't like it..."

He pulled her into his lap, letting her rest her head against his chest as he held her tightly. "I love you so much, Emily and I will _never _let anything come between us," he promised, "I know it must be hard to watch me get close to other people when you feel like we're getting farther apart, but I swear, I'm only trying to help. That's it. Nothing else ever happens when I'm with them; I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.

"I know you wouldn't," she murmured, muffled by his chest. "It's just..." She faltered, sighing sadly. "Is there something you're getting from ehr that I can't give you?" she asked meekly.

"Of course not, silly girl," he insisted, kissing her forehead. "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know... But there has to be something you're getting out of it because I see how happy it makes you." She bit her lip worriedly. "I can't understand what I'm not giving you that you have to turn to her for."

He shook his head and held her close. "Baby, you being here is more than enough for me. Maybe Ellie and I were in the same situation and we bonded a little, but I'm not turning to her for anything. We just talk..."

"Why can't you talk to _me_?" she whispered, "Why can't you let me in?"

"Emily, we talk all the time. I tell you everything."

She shook her head sadly, "No... You don't... You haven't once talked to me about what happened with Flynn."

He paused for a moment, than said softly, "Because there's nothing to talk about – he's dead, it's over."

"Obviously there is. What else would you be talking to Ellie about? Why can't you share it with me?"

"It's really nothing, baby. I don't talk to you about it because it's not important. I don't want to put extra stress on you – you have enough on your plate with the twins on the way."

"_Please _talk to me," he plead, "I worry about you and I want to know what you're going through. I know it was a huge trauma on you and I want to help you through it." She sniffled softly. "It's my job as your _wife_."

"Don't cry, baby," Morgan whispered quietly, rubbing soothing circles down her back. "It's not that I'm not letting you in, I just don't want to worry you. It's really nothing."

"I can handle it," she insisted, "I knew what I was going to have to deal with during the pregnancy, with our jobs. I knew you might need to lean on me." She clutched his hand tightly. "Please let me in, Derek. We promised never to keep secrets."

He studied her for a moment before he sighed quietly, knowing that everything she had said was right – she was his wife and she had every right to know what was going on with him. "I'm so scared," he finally admitted, whispering fearfully as he looked into her eyes.

Wrapping her arms around him, she nuzzled his neck and pressed a gentle kiss on his pulse point. "Why, baby?"

"Flynn," he whispered quietly after another moment, wrapping his arms tightly around Emily, as if he were afraid that if he let go now, he'd lose her forever. "First, Foyet and now, Flynn...what if I don't make it through the next time? What if I have to leave you and the twins behind? I can't let my babies grow up without a father..."

Her expression softened and her heart went all out to him, knowing what he had been through. "I know you're worried about leaving me behind to pick up the pieces," she murmured, "I know leaving them with the life you had scares you and, if it comes to that, we can make it through. But we've made plans for once they're born, to make sure you're around for a long time..."

"You don't know that," he whispered. "What if I can't get myself together the next time something like that happens? I don't want you to think that I'm not capable to protect you from people like them...I don't want you to think I'm weak and I can't be a good father..."

"I would _never_ think that," she insisted, pulling back to meet his eyes, needing him to see what he was afraid of would never come true. "Not ever. You're the only one who has never let me down in my whole life. I trust you, Derek. I trust you with all my life and I trust you with our little ones..."

He pulled her impossibly close, burying his face in the crook of her neck, feeling her heart beating steadily against his chest. "I love you so much, Emily. I don't ever want to lose you."

"You never will – I promise," she said, gently kissing his cheek. "I love you too, baby, and I don't ever want you to think that you can't share these things with me."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, "I never meant to keep anything from you; I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to worry about me." He rested his hand on her baby bump, "You have enough to worry about..."

Emily cupped his cheeks, pulling him in to kiss him tenderly. "You're my husband, I worry about you anyway – it's easier to be honest, so I don't have to worry more."

"I love you," he murmured against her lips before resting his forehead against hers. "And I don't want you to think that someone else is going to be more important than you are in my life. You're the only one I want."

"I know..."


End file.
